Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Nagging niggles

I just got my first negative blog comment. gulp.

Not here, but relating to a comment I made on another blog I love. I'm almost in tears. How totally sad am I? :)
Words are such a responsibility. I always struggle a little in trying to walk the line between being responsible for how I phrase my thoughts so that they have the meaning I intend, and not being able to control the interpretations of others.
Its amazing how easy it is to put yourself out there in blog-land, until your realise that actual people read what you write, and in the not-knowing of the actual you its easy to misinterpret your words. Its the fixer and maybe the control-freak in me that hates not being able to actually speak to the commenters and explain ad nauseum what I meant..

Really working on letting it go.

Do you notice that happens in parenting, or is it just me.... (see 'control freak..')? I sometimes feel the overwhelming need to explain away the totally normal behavior of my children. Rushing to attribute the tantrum to unusual tiredness, the lack of sharing to... whatever. Its a strange, and probably totally inaccurate feeling of being judged by other parents. That the behavior of my children might paint me as a bad Mum, or worse them as 'bad' children.
I mean, god. What do we do to ourselves??!

I need to remind my self about the perfection of my kids.


Louise said...

Oh yes I'm with you there. I used to belong to an internet community where people had major tantrums over minor misunderstandings.
Online people are real at the other end of pixels, it's hard to remember that sometimes.

As for explaining behaviour, I do find myself doing that too, but I try and make up for it by behaving sympathetically if done to me. I often see mothers struggling with tantrumming children, and just smile at Mum and say "that looks familiar" or " I've got one like that". I reckon if they get sympathy from one person, they do the same to someone else.

daydreamymama said...

Yes, I'm right there with you, on all counts. The flip side is my perhaps excessive gratitude when my kid is having, say, a tantrum in a public place, and some mother goes by and gives me a kind, "we're all in this together" smile and says something supportive, like "Mine do that too." This has happened more than once, and I always feel, not only gratitude but a little shock of surprise, which makes me wonder: what kind of judgmental hostility do I walk around expecting from the world?
Something like the misunderstanding of your words that you described, I guess. Do you think it's easier to be unkind or negative to someone who's not physically in your presence?

Kate said...

We must become friends, so we can support each other's neurotic over-parenting, over-explaining, and over-needing-positive-reinforcement-for-ourselves-as-parents-writers-beings. :)


Kate said...

totally. Kate Bassett. Facebook is the second biggest internet time suck in my life:)